Like many others out there, I like reading articles on topics such as parenting, relationships, child development, pretty much anything counseling-related really. There are lots of opinions about how kids should be raised when it comes to nutrition, sleep, development, potty training, discipline, habits, and education, just to name a few. Hospital birth or home birth? Breastfeed or bottle feed? Sleep train or shared bed? Time out or spank? Binky or no binky? Home school or public school? There are things we need to do for our children, but don't do it too much or else it will spoil them but if you don't do it enough they won't have enough self-esteem. It becomes overwhelming!
There are also articles that talk about how we need to appreciate our children more and how we need to put down our electronics and bask in every moment of parenthood. I don't know if these articles are more prevalent these days or if it just seems like it with all the technological outlets available now, but I always seem to notice them in my newsfeed on facebook and then get depressed after I read them. I'm not saying I am against them by any means.....I think it is good to be reminded of how fast our kids grow up and how we need to enjoy the time we have with them when they are young. But for someone like me who {overly} stresses about things to the point of not being able to sleep at times, these articles are just a constant reminder of the millions of ways I fall short as a mom. I think about all the times I lost my temper, blew them off when I was busy doing something that seemed important at the time but really wasn't, got them McD's happy meals way too many times because I didn't want to cook, told them "no" to things that really weren't that big of a deal, etc etc. But then it occurred to me that thinking of all the things I was doing wrong as a mom was not doing me or my children or my husband (or anyone for that matter) any good. All it does is make me depressed and overwhelmed. I decided today that instead I would reframe my thoughts in to something positive and think of some things I am doing RIGHT as a mom. And by "right" I mean right by my own standards, not anyone else. There may be some things on this list that are not your style and that's okay. There are lots of different ways to be a good parent.
Sadly, this list took me a while to do, but I'm so glad I did it. {Why is it always so difficult to think of the positive instead of the negative? I've always wondered that.} A lot of these things might seem obvious to others but they were important to me. This is not in order of importance :)
1. I take lots of pictures and videos of my kids to help document their childhood. I also keep a personal blog and try to keep track of my kids' milestones and fun activities we do as a family.
2. I take my kids to parks or let them play outside as much as possible when the weather is nice.
3. I am a pretty affectionate mom.....I don't go a day without giving me kids a hug and kiss and telling them I love them.
4. I do not shame or belittle my children, and do my best to provide a safe environment for them to express their feelings.
5. Of all the times I have lost my temper, there's probably that many times (or more) where I didn't, even when I probably should have.
6. I went back to school even though it has been difficult at times so that I can make a better life for my kids and be a good example to them of the importance of education.
7. I keep a baby book for both of my kids with pictures and keepsakes so that they can look back at them when they grow up.
8. I worked hard to set up a fun play room for my kids with lots of different activities to keep them busy.
9. I try to make holidays fun for my kids, like decorating for the occasion, making cookies, doing crafts, reading stories that tie in with the holiday, etc.
10. I teach my kids important manners and social skills, like saying please and thank you and I'm sorry, among other things.
11. I go to their parent-teacher conferences and try to stay updated on how they are doing at school.
12. No matter how mad I get, I have never laid a hand on my child in anger.
13. My husband and I make sacrifices so that our kids can have what they need and do fun things.
14. I throw my kids big birthday parties and make their birthdays a big deal to make it special for them and to create fun memories for them.
15. I love my kids unconditionally.
So the next time I get down on myself and start thinking of all my imperfections, I am going to try and remember this post, maybe even come back and read it again. I would urge anyone who is reading to make your own list (you can even leave a comment with your list, I'd love to read it!). This concept can be applied to everyone, not just parents. I think if we can learn to see ourselves in a more positive light we will live much happier lives.
