Why BALANCE?

For this first post I would like to explain why I started this blog and how this whole quest for balance began.  A few months ago I was going through a very stressful time in my life.  We had just bought our first home which was a fixer-upper that required a lot of work (new paint, new carpet, a very stressful kitchen remodel, landscaping, etc.).  I was right in the middle of my Counselor Education graduate program at Adams State University, taking a pretty full load while also working the graveyard shift a couple of nights a week.  On top of that I was required to complete a 100 hour Practicum (aka internship) at a local high school a couple of days a week.  I was also called to be a leader in the Young Women's program through the LDS church which was a pretty demanding calling and required a lot of time going to activities, meetings, preparing Sunday lessons, etc.  Oh and being a mom to two rambunctious kids (one of which is especially rambunctious and very high maintenance).  Needless to say I was maxed. out.  I learned A LOT about myself during that time though.  I learned what my limits are and what I can handle (and let's just say I was not handling it well).  Another thing I learned is that when people are under huge amounts of stress they tend to do things that are out of character for them (i.e. break down and cry over dumb things like a 2 year-old.....not that I ever did that....ahem).  In my case I also started having huge amounts of anxiety which also brought with it some depression (being candid here).  Anxiety and depression usually go hand-in-hand (here is a great article I found on MSN explaining that a little bit further).  Everyone was asking me, "how are you doing it?"  Well my answer was always, "I'm not!"  I was not coping well.  I had very little spare time, and what little spare time I did have I pretty much just wanted to check out (and by that I mean watching way too much Netflix, lol).  Which is okay I think a little bit here and there, but I was checking out in unhealthy amounts.  I had very little time for family and friends, which was what I needed the most at the time.  The schedule that I was trying to maintain was also putting a lot of stress on my marriage.  We rarely saw each other and when we did I was not in a good place.

My graduate program emphasizes the importance of self-care, as counseling tends to be a high burn out field that is very emotionally exhausting.  I tried to have a wellness plan in place for myself but I wasn't following through with it very well and it was definitely showing.  I was getting sick all the time, getting a new thing every 2 weeks it seemed like.  By March I hit a breaking point.  I decided that I had to do something or I was going to crash and burn.  This was when I started on my quest for balance.

I was working the night shift one night and was kind of randomly inspired.  I had had this concept of finding balance popping up in my head for a while.  I feel like everything in life is about finding balance.  Too much of anything isn't healthy, and neither is too little.  My life was way out of balance and I couldn't go on like that anymore.  So I came up with a mnemonic device to help me in my quest for balance:

Be kind to yourself

Allow others to help

Learn to say "no"

Adjust your perspective

Nobody's perfect

Cut out the insignificant stuff

Embrace the important stuff

The quest for balance has become my new mantra.  (I wrote a blog post in my family blog that I will probably move over to this blog soon, which explains each of these and what they mean to me).  I swear if I could get this tattooed on to my forehead, I would!  I started working towards getting my life back in balance.  I had to cut some things out of my life to help me accomplish this.  It was hard for me because I don't like to say "no" and I don't want to disappoint anyone.  But it had to be done.  Miraculously I made it through Spring semester and things slowed down a little bit.  Since then I've also had to make some difficult decisions and say "no" to some other opportunities that have come up for the sake of my sanity and health.  I think the quest for balance will always be a struggle for me and will be a lifelong process.  But this experience really taught me a lot about myself, what I want out of life, what my priorities are, and that in order to be the best person I can be for everyone else I FIRST have to take care of myself.  I have a hard time not feeling selfish when I say that, but I have learned first hand that it is necessary and that I am WORTH it.